Clean Humor
Family-friendly jokes and content
52 posts
10 Signs Your Oldie But Goodie Is Actually Just Hazardous Waste
We have all heard the phrase oldie but goodie used to describe everything from a crusty cassette tape of 1980s power ballads to that one specific pair of sweatpants you refuse to throw away despite the fact that they are now held together entirely by hope and static electricity. However, there is a fine line between a timeless classic and something that b…
Move Over Espresso: Why Stubbing Your Toe Is the New Ultimate Morning Caffeine Hack
Forget the roasted beans, the artisanal froth, and the overpriced cardboard sleeves that somehow always burn your thumb. According to the latest findings in the world of frantic productivity, coffee is officially dead. The new king of the morning routine is much cheaper, significantly faster, and requires absolutely zero sugar: it is pure, unadulterated p…
Local Bride Devastated to Discover Husband is a Monotesticular Mystery
Marriage is a journey of discovery. Usually, that discovery involves finding out your spouse leaves wet towels on the bed like a soggy decorative pillow or that they have a family secret involving a haunted doll collection. However, for one local bride, the post-wedding revelation was a bit more structural in nature. After the cake was cut and the champag…
The Smoke Alarm Chef
My dad always said the smoke alarm was the most important tool in the kitchen. I asked him why, and he smiled proudly.
10 Men Whose Only Safety Regulation Is The Phrase Because Of Freedom Baby
There is a specific brand of logic that only exists in the glorious, chaotic vacuum of absolute liberty. It is the kind of reasoning that bypasses common sense, safety regulations, and the laws of physics entirely. When you ask a man why he is currently using a gasoline powered leaf blower to dry his damp socks in the middle of a crowded laundromat, he do…
Typing Speed
Fast fingers. Funny phrases.
Race the clock while typing words that make you smile.
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Local Pub Shuts Down After Listing Pints for 25p Because the Government Hates You Being Happy
In the bustling city of Leeds, a local pub recently found itself in the middle of a bureaucratic tug of war that proves one thing: the government will tolerate a lot of things, but affordable joy is where they draw the line. The establishment in question, looking to give back to a community currently paying the price of a small sedan for a round of drinks…
Your Knees Are Now Just Rice Krispies: 10 Harsh Realities of Aging According to Eddie Griffin
There comes a moment in every person life when you realize that your body is no longer a temple, but rather a fixer-upper with a questionable foundation and a roof that leaks every time it rains. Comedian Eddie Griffin recently reminded us that aging is not a graceful slide into wisdom; it is a violent tumble down a flight of stairs while holding a bowl o…
15 Times Absolute Logic Was So Stupid It Actually Sort Of Made Sense
We have all been there. You are sitting in a meeting or scrolling through social media when someone drops a take so hot, so incredibly bold, that your brain momentarily reboots like a Windows 95 computer trying to run Crysis. It is called Absolute Logic. It is that special brand of reasoning that is technically correct in the most useless way possible, or…
Your New Spiritual Tattoo Actually Means Soup of the Day
We have all been there. You are wandering through a thrift store or a trendy boutique in a neighborhood where the rent is higher than the oxygen levels, and you spot it: the Artifact. Maybe it is a t-shirt with elegant calligraphy in a language you do not speak, or perhaps it is a tattoo of a symbol that looks like a warrior's crest. You tell yourself tha…
My daughter lost a tooth and set it up like an offering for the toothfairy
In the high-stakes world of childhood finance, the Tooth Fairy has long held a monopoly on the calcium-for-cash exchange market. Most kids play it safe by shoving a bloody incisor under a pillow and hoping they do not wake up to a mouthful of feathers or a glitter-induced sinus infection. However, one young girl has decided that the standard business mode…
Dave Chappelle Reminds Artists That Without Boundaries Your Work is Just a Complimentary Motel Mint
Dave Chappelle has emerged from his metaphorical mountain retreat once again to remind the creative world that if you do not value your art, the rest of the world will treat it like a complimentary mint at a budget motel. In a recent discourse on the sanctity of the craft, the man who famously walked away from fifty million dollars reminded us all that an…
Crunch Time: 10 Hilarious Ways Your Car Just Told You Your Insurance Is Going Up
There is a specific, soul crushing sound that occurs when metal meets immovable objects. It is not quite a thud, and it is certainly more than a clink. It is a symphony of bad decisions and insurance premium hikes. When we hear the word crash, we usually think of high stakes Hollywood explosions or a drummer finishing a solo. Unfortunately, for most of us…
Man Moves to Hawaii Just to Rub It in While You Fight Your Thermostat to the Death
In a world where most of us consider a trip to the local grocery store a high-stakes adventure, Kameron Johnson has officially upped the ante by relocating his entire existence to Hawaii. While the rest of us are currently engaged in a bitter, soul-crushing war against our thermostats, Kameron is out there living the dream, or at least living the version…
Science Reaches Breakthrough Discovery That Everything You Love Is Slowly Killing You
Science used to be cool. We used to get the moon landing, neon-colored Gatorade, and those little dinosaur sponges that grow in water. But lately, science has transitioned into that annoying roommate who reminds you that you haven't washed your bedsheets since the Obama administration. It has become a relentless buzzkill designed specifically to ruin ever…
Timeline Trivia
Put your past in order.
Arrange five historical events from earliest to latest.
Play Timeline Trivia
7 Stupid Questions That Prove Your Middle School Guidance Counselor Was A Liar
We have all heard the motivational posters hanging in middle school hallways. You know the ones: a majestic eagle soaring over a mountain range with a caption that insists, there are no stupid questions. Well, I am here to tell you that the eagle is a liar. That eagle has clearly never worked a shift in retail, sat through a corporate town hall meeting, o…
Botox and humps: 20 camels disqualified from beauty pageant for cosmetic surgery scandal
Forget the influencers on Instagram filters or the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The true drama of the cosmetic surgery world has officially moved to the desert. In a shocking scandal that has rocked the foundation of the dromedary world, twenty camels were recently disqualified from a prestigious beauty contest in Oman. Their crime? Too much work don…
Florida Man Discovers 7-Foot Boa Constrictor Is the Ultimate Monday Morning Speed Bump
In most parts of the civilized world, the morning routine consists of a mild existential crisis, three cups of coffee, and perhaps a frantic search for matching socks. But in Florida, the morning commute involves a survivalist subplot that would make Indiana Jones retire to a desk job at a library. One local resident recently proved that in the Sunshine S…
Italian Police Launch Full Scale Military Operation to Catch a Single Tiny Thief
In the picturesque Italian city of Como, known primarily for its stunning lake and George Clooney sightings, the local authorities recently decided to launch a military operation that makes the storming of Normandy look like a casual brunch. While most people go to Como to enjoy a nice prosecco and pretend they are in a Bond movie, the local law enforceme…
Local Criminal Forgets How Stealing Works in Most Impressive Display of Stupidity Yet
There is a certain level of logical thinking required to be a successful criminal. Usually, this involves a basic understanding of cause and effect. If you take something that does not belong to you, the goal is to keep it. However, one aspiring mastermind recently decided to flip the script on the entire legal system by executing a plan so spectacularly…
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