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Cookie Constitution

My brother and I settled the last-cookie dispute fairly: one cuts, the other chooses.

Joke of the Day November 6, 2026

The Lonely Scallop

The fancy restaurant served me one scallop on a plate the size of a hubcap, so I felt bad for it and asked for a second to keep it company.

They brought a friend and charged me for the introduction.

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The Lonely Scallop

The fancy restaurant served me one scallop on a plate the size of a hubcap, so I felt bad for it and asked for a second to keep it company.

Local Man Discovers Single Banana Has Developed Luxury Lifestyle, Personal Brand

Dennis Pruitt walked into the Fairmeadow Market on Tuesday expecting a quick, dignified errand: one banana, for a snack, to eat in a car. He walked out forty minutes later holding a receipt the length of a bedsheet and a new respect for tropical fruit. It started innocently. Dennis spotted a lone banana in a basket near the register, glowing under a tiny…

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Campaign Season at Home

My five-year-old is running for family president. Her platform is dessert first and optional bedtime.

My Laptop Has Seen Things

I finally opened my old laptop to clean it up and found 4,000 screenshots, 37 tabs of recipes, and one folder named 'Misc Final FINAL.'

The Free Trial That Wouldn't Quit

I signed up for a seven-day free trial of a meditation app.

Man Fires Eleven Streaming Services, Hires Elderly Laptop Named Gerald

Local household manager Dennis Pruitt-Okafor announced this week that he has freed himself from monthly subscriptions. His new entertainment empire runs on a decade-old laptop with a fan that sounds like a tiny hairdryer arguing with a kazoo. The trouble began when Dennis opened his banking app and found a column of small recurring charges, each one a dif…

The Robot Vacuum's Side Hustle

My robot vacuum spent an hour under the couch, and I got worried.

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Italian Idiom Goes Rogue at Dinner

I tried to impress my Italian neighbor by using an idiom I learned from an app. I told him, with great confidence, that I had a pet ferret in my pocket.

Tourist Spends Entire Italian Vacation Rescuing People From Ham, Wolves and Cats Denied Tripe

Dennis arrived in Italy with a phrasebook, a sun hat the size of a patio umbrella, and the unshakable belief that he was fluent after two weeks of a language app. By lunchtime on day one, he had already prevented three emergencies. None of them were real. It began at a café, when a waiter told a colleague that a customer had "ham slices over his eyes." De…

Real Talk From the Leftover Pie

At midnight, I told myself I'd only take a sliver of pie to even out the edge.

Gym Membership Enjoys a Quiet Retirement

My gym membership has been so loyal this year. It shows up on my bank statement every single month.

The Smart Fridge Has Opinions

My new smart fridge sends me an alert if I leave the door open too long.

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