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Local Politician Solves Doctor Shortage Using Phone That Has Never Worked in This Town
Residents of the sleepy town of Little Wumble gathered yesterday to witness what historians are already calling "the most confident phone call ever made to absolutely nobody." It began when a representative strode into the town square with the posture of a man who has been told he has great hair and believed it. "Citizen!" he boomed at a startled local ho…
The Parrot Learned the Microwave
My parrot has perfected the microwave beep so well that I now wander into the kitchen at 2 a.m.
Pacman
Dots for dinner. Ghosts for drama.
Clear the maze and grab power pellets to turn the tables.
Play Pacman
Car Boss Promises to Stop Leaving Keys in the Ignition, Which Is Apparently a Thing You Have to Say Out Loud
The head of a famously expensive car company has pledged to stop leaving the keys in his own car, a promise that experts describe as 'the bare minimum' and that his friends describe as 'finally.' The vow came after his two-million-pound machine was borrowed, without paperwork or goodbyes, by a stranger who had spotted the most tempting thing in motoring:…
One Percent Battery Changes a Person
The moment my phone hits one percent, I become someone who would knock on a stranger's door.
Sudoku
Nine numbers. One happy brain.
Give every row, column and box its perfect number.
Play SudokuTom, Please Stop Texting the Weather Guy
My uncle Tom emails the local meteorologist every time it rains and says, 'You said sunny.'
Chicago Crowd Politely Asks Giant Bean to Scooch Over Seven Inches
Witnesses say it started the way all great civic movements start: with one guy squinting at a enormous metal legume and saying, "Something about that feels off." Within minutes, a crowd had gathered around the shiny sculpture, united by a single dream. They wanted the Bean moved seven inches to the left. Not six. Not eight. Seven. When asked why, a man in…
The Dog Has Terms and Conditions
My dog stands calmly on a leash through traffic, thunder, and a parade.
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