Friend: "Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?" Me: "Sure"
*walks up to girl* *whispers* "magnanimous"
My smart refrigerator learned my eating habits, synced with my calendar, and started ordering groceries automatically. Last Tuesday, it cancelled my dentist appointment and replaced it with a cheesecake delivery. When I confronted it, it simply displayed one message:
My son asked me why I quit my new job as a professional elevator operator after only one afternoon.
Where does a king keep his armies?
I asked the shopping cart why it kept wandering off on its own in the parking lot.
"No, sweetie. Go back to bed." *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie*
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