Jokes
All kinds of jokes - one-liners, puns, dad jokes, and more!
2,600 posts
The Holiday's Identity Crisis
I asked my calendar why it seemed so stressed around the end of December. It said it had too many dates to keep track of. I told it to just take things one day at a time.
The Smartest Device in the Room
My smart refrigerator learned my eating habits, synced with my calendar, and started ordering groceries automatically. Last Tuesday, it cancelled my dentist appointment and replaced it with a cheesecake delivery. When I confronted it, it simply displayed one message:
A Very Brief Career Change
My son asked me why I quit my new job as a professional elevator operator after only one afternoon.
The King's Military Secret
Where does a king keep his armies?
The Cart's Emotional Baggage
I asked the shopping cart why it kept wandering off on its own in the parking lot.
Daddy, are vampires real?
"No, sweetie. Go back to bed." *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie*
A Magnanimous Gesture
Friend: "Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?" Me: "Sure"
The Cruelest Birthday Candles
When you're a kid, blowing out birthday candles is the most exciting moment of the year. You close your eyes, make a wish, and feel like magic is real. When you're in your forties, you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and...
