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Tourist Spends Entire Italian Vacation Rescuing People From Ham, Wolves and Cats Denied Tripe
Dennis arrived in Italy with a phrasebook, a sun hat the size of a patio umbrella, and the unshakable belief that he was fluent after two weeks of a language app. By lunchtime on day one, he had already prevented three emergencies. None of them were real. It began at a café, when a waiter told a colleague that a customer had "ham slices over his eyes." De…
Local Toddler Achieves Lifelong Dream of Becoming Middle Management at Chicken Coop Display
Sources close to the situation confirm that a small child has successfully infiltrated the display chicken coop at a farm supply store, and nobody has ever looked prouder of a breaking-and-entering. She was not there to buy anything. She was there for the vibe. Witnesses report that the child slipped away in the time it takes a parent to ask, "Do we need…
Local Preschooler Achieves Personal Best in Pork-Based Arithmetic (A Comic Take)
A LaughParty comic take. Comic take, not a news report: everything below is invented for fun. The family, the pig-related incidents, and the math professor are all fictional. In a kitchen that exists only in our imagination, a four-year-old named Juniper declared that lunch would be breakfast. Her parents, who had long ago learned that arguing with a pres…
Local Husband Given Halloween Budget, Boundless Trust, and Eleven Inflatable Spiders
A LaughParty comic take. Comic fiction alert: this is a made-up humor piece inspired by a general theme. The people, the house, and the spiders are all invented. In a fictional suburb called Pumpkinshire Heights, a man named Gary (not a real Gary, just a Gary-shaped idea) was handed one sacred task: decorate the house for Halloween. His wife, Denise, said…
Halloween Down Under: Where the Ghosts Wear Sunscreen
A LaughParty comic take. Comic take, not a news report. Every event, household and 'local tradition' below is invented for fun. Halloween in the Southern Hemisphere arrives in spring, which means the spookiest thing on the night isn't a haunted house. It's the weather forecast. While other parts of the world enjoy crisp autumn air and cozy sweaters, our i…
Adults Trick-or-Treating: A Comic Take on the Great Candy Standoff
A LaughParty comic take. Comic fiction alert: Everything below is invented for laughs. No real people, neighborhoods, or fun-sized chocolate bars were harmed. Somewhere in the imaginary town of Gumdrop Heights, a historic Halloween showdown is unfolding. On one side: children, armed with pillowcases and boundless optimism. On the other: adults, armed with…
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Local Gourd Artist Loses Pumpkin Contest, Gains Unshakable Sense of Injustice
A LaughParty comic take. A LaughParty comic take. Everything below is invented, including the judges, the trophy, and the pumpkin's feelings. In the fictional town of Squashbury Falls, a man named Gerald Pithwick has spent the past 72 hours explaining to anyone within earshot that his jack-o'-lantern was robbed. The mail carrier has heard it. The neighbor…
Retiree, 80, Launches One-Man Campaign Against Neighbor's Mud-Coated Hatchback
A LaughParty comic take. A LaughParty comic take: Everything below is invented for laughs. The people, the street and the alarming sticker strategy are all fictional. Residents of the imaginary cul-de-sac known as Maple Regret Lane were shaken this week when Delbert Fenwick, an 80-year-old retiree who irons his gardening gloves, crossed the street holding…
Local Pond Opens Driving School, Immediately Regrets Offering Parallel Parking
A LaughParty comic take. Comic fiction: The following is an entirely made-up, satirical take. No real ducks, driving schools or traffic departments were involved, though several bread crusts were emotionally invested. In the quiet town of Puddleford, residents were startled this week to discover a hand-painted sign at the edge of Mallard Pond reading: "QU…
Iron Pumpkin Gym Survives Halloween Leg Day, Mostly
A LaughParty comic take. Comic fiction: Every event below is invented, much like the workout plan you swore you'd start in September. Each October 31st, most of humanity celebrates with candy, costumes and questionable decorative skeletons. A small, determined group celebrates with leg day. At the entirely fictional Iron Pumpkin Fitness Center, staff brac…
Local Grandpa Sees City in Two Colors, Calls It "Best Day Out Since 1974"
A LaughParty comic take. A LaughParty comic take. Everything below is fiction, loosely inspired by a viral photo of a grandfather wearing 3D movie glasses as sunglasses. No real grandpas were interviewed, though several fictional ones insisted on it. It began, as most great expeditions do, with a grandson saying, "Grandpa, it's sunny, did you bring sungla…
Man Discovers the Halloween Candy Bowl Has a Bottom
A LaughParty comic take. A LaughParty comic take. The following is entirely fictional, and any resemblance to your own pantry is a coincidence your dentist will not find funny. In a quiet suburban kitchen, a husband we will call Gary is living a lie. The lie is shaped like a large orange plastic bowl with a cartoon pumpkin on the side. According to his wi…
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Bear Skips the Bestsellers, Checks Out the Honey Instead
A LaughParty comic take. Comic fiction: This is a satirical take inspired by a headline about a bear, a library and a Winnie the Pooh celebration. Every character, quote and detail below is invented for laughs. Librarians in a fictional version of a mountain town are calling it the most on-theme heist in history. On the one day of the year dedicated to a…
Local Seal Pup Joins Surf Crew, Immediately Becomes Its Most Committed Member
A LaughParty comic take. A comic take. The events below are invented for laughs and inspired only by the general idea of a seal pup who likes to hang out with surfers. Every morning at dawn, a small crew of San Diego surfers paddles out to catch the first waves of the day. And every morning, they find someone already waiting for them: a baby seal pup with…
Goat Hits Snooze, Wakes Up to an Empty Pasture and Several Questions
A LaughParty comic take. A LaughParty comic take. Everything below is invented for laughs. No goats were harmed or fact-checked. Somewhere on a hillside that may or may not exist, a goat we will call Gerald opened one eye, then the other, then both again for good measure. The sun was high. The grass was quiet. And the forty-two goats who had been sleeping…
Man Answers Every Question With Total Accuracy, Leaves Auto Parts Store Empty-Handed
A LaughParty comic take. Comic fiction: the following events are entirely made up, much like my understanding of transmissions. Gary Pemberton, 44, of the fictional town of Mildew Falls, walked into a neighborhood auto parts store on Tuesday with one simple goal. Three hours later, he walked out with a laminated certificate of participation, a free air fr…
Local Man Bravely Sips Macaroni Soda, Reports Seeing His Ancestors Shake Their Heads
A LaughParty comic take. Comic fiction: The events, people and products in this article are invented for laughs. Any resemblance to an actual beverage is your fridge's problem, not ours. Humanity has achieved many things. We split the atom. We put a rover on Mars. We taught a phone to recognize our face even when we've just woken up looking like a startle…
Goose Family Portrait Ruined by Ducks With Agents
A LaughParty comic take. A LaughParty comic take. Everything below is invented, including the ducks' lawyer. The Honkington family had planned their annual portrait for weeks. Mother Goose had groomed every feather. Father Goose had practiced his dignified neck angle, which he calls The Swan Impersonation. The six goslings had been bribed with a whole sli…
Local Password '123456' Wins Lifetime Achievement Award, Refuses to Retire
A LaughParty comic take. Comic fiction: This satirical piece was inspired by recent headlines about weak passwords. Every person, place, and event below is made up. In a glittering ceremony held entirely inside a dusty server closet, the password 123456 received the prestigious Golden Padlock for Lifetime Achievement. It has guarded countless accounts wit…
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