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The Sourdough Starter Intervention
My wife asked why I was whispering while making dinner, and I told her the yeast was resting and I didn't want to wake it up. She rolled her eyes and said I was taking the 'artisanal bread' hobby too far.
East India Company Fails for Second Time in 400 Years Proving Not Even Global Tyranny Can Survive the Economy
It takes a special kind of talent to fail at the same job twice, especially when those failures are separated by a cool 167 years. The East India Company, the original corporate overlord that once owned half the planet and had its own private army, has officially called it quits again. Apparently, the second comeback tour went about as well as a reunion c…
Typing Speed
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Washington State Licensing Hotline Accidentally Invented a New Language Instead of Using Spanish
Welcome to Washington state, where the coffee is strong, the rain is persistent, and the Department of Licensing has apparently decided that "Spanish" is just a suggestion. In a move that truly redefines the phrase "lost in translation," callers to the state's official hotline have discovered that pressing 2 for Spanish does not, in fact, connect you to a…
Century Egg Challenge: How to Eat Something That Looks Like a Dinosaur’s Mistake and Smells Like a Janitor’s Closet
In the world of culinary "dares," there is a hierarchy of terror. You have your ghost peppers, your fermented shark, and then you have the heavyweight champion of "Why is this in my mouth?": the Century Egg. For those uninitiated, a Century Egg is a Chinese delicacy where an egg is preserved in a mixture of clay, ash, salt, and quicklime until the yolk tu…
Chris Hansen Tells Roblox Creditors to Have a Seat in the Metaverse
Lock up your blocky avatars and hide your digital pizza, because Chris Hansen is officially entering the Metaverse. In a crossover event that absolutely nobody asked for but everyone secretly deserves, the man who spent the early 2000s making middle aged men weep over lemonade is turning his investigative gaze toward Roblox. Yes, the platform where your n…
7 Signs You’ve Officially Become the Human Version of a Terms and Conditions Page
Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize you are essentially a ghost in your own home? Not the spooky, haunting-the-attic kind of ghost, but the "nobody noticed I’ve been holding this heavy box for twenty minutes" kind of ghost. It’s that exquisite societal phenomenon where people treat your existence like the "Terms and Conditions" page o…
The Spreadsheet Escape Artist
Why did the overworked accountant suddenly decide to hide inside his own Excel document?
The Low Pressure Promotion
The local meteorologist was thrilled to get a massive promotion, but his friends were confused because he never actually got the forecast right. When they asked how he landed a senior leadership role despite his terrible track record, he just smiled.
Uno
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Grown Men in Cargo Shorts Finally Stop Scuffling at Target as the Pokemon Card Bubble Bursts
For the past few years, trying to buy a pack of Pokémon cards has felt less like a fun childhood hobby and more like trying to secure a brick of gold bullion during a global heist. We have lived through a dark era where a holographic Charizard cost more than a mid-sized sedan, and grown men in cargo shorts were fighting each other in the aisles of Target…
The Scale Manufacturer's Dilemma
Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes?
The Competitive Vegetable Garden
The local fencing club had to disband after the coach realized they weren't actually training athletes...
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