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Airport Etiquette

I got arrested at the airport last week...

The Most Productive Part of My Day

I spent three hours today carefully crafting the perfect caption, choosing the ideal filter, and finding just the right hashtags to post a photo of my lunch.

Royal Printing

Is this InkJet any good? Sure, we've sold it to royalty Princesses?

Cosmic Romance

What happened before the Big Bang?

The Analog Solution

There is this new awesome technology to do group chats...

Scientific Intimacy

My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom.

Coastal Romance

I'm starting a dating app for people who live in Eastern Virginia.

The Camping Chemist

Why do chemists never do well on camping trips?

The Delayed Release

Have you seen the movie Constipated?

Musical Differences

My girlfriend played the cello and I loved it. But recently she gave up the cello and took up the violin, so I had to break up with her.

The Snoop Squad

What would you call the Fantastic Four if Snoop Dogg joined the team?

A Windy Situation

Did you hear that they are building massive oscillating blades in New York?

An Original Idea

Wanna hear a word I just made up?

Missed Opportunities

A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots.

Dairy Dialogue

What did one dairy cow say to another?

The PTA Strategy

Hitting on women at this PTA meeting

Your New Spiritual Tattoo Actually Means Soup of the Day

We have all been there. You are wandering through a thrift store or a trendy boutique in a neighborhood where the rent is higher than the oxygen level ...

My Body Filed a Complaint

I asked my doctor why my knees pop, my back cracks, and my shoulders click every time I move. He said my body is just trying to communicate with me. I asked what it's saying.

Noble Silence

I told a joke about noble gasses the other day.

Unimpressed Dairy

What did the unimpressed cheese say?