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A Card-Playing Son
My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond, all without my permission.
Bravery Moisture
HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating.
The Breakfast Solution
ME: all the King's horses and men couldn't put u back together. HUMPTY DUMPTY: what now?