Coworker: Are you seeing anyone? Me: Unfortunately. CW: Then why are you dating her?
Me: No, I meant you're standing in front of me.
I asked my weather app what the chances of rain were today. It said 0%. I walked outside and immediately got soaked. When I opened the app to complain, it had already updated to say 'Light showers expected earlier today.'
I told my friend I had 10,000 followers and he was really impressed. He asked if I was famous on Instagram or TikTok.
I tried to take life lessons from a penguin. They're always dressed for success, they never skip leg day, and they somehow thrive in the coldest conditions. I figured if anyone could teach me how to pull myself together, it was them.
If you have ever spent more than five minutes scrolling through the internet, you have likely encountered the term "overnight success." Usually, this ...
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