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Musical Revenge

I play Nickelback real loud all day

Snake in the Sheets

What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed?

A Patriotic Breakfast

Me: [Sits down to eat breakfast] Girlfriend: Babe, you forgot the French Toast

A Nap in Texas

Did you hear about that kidnapping in Texas?

Grammar Bar

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar...

Academic Snoop

*Snoop walks into a classroom* Snoop: Tell me about the Big Bong Theory

Cellular Regret

I decided to play agar.io again...

The Acoustic Nightmare

This Halloween, make your friends run in terror

A Tight Squeeze

In the earliest part of my life I was a man trapped inside a woman's body.

Holy Hygiene

What does the Pope use to dry his hands?

The Birthday Diet

My diet could best be described as,

Intense Camping

Why do adrenaline junkies enjoy camping?

The Fresh Prince of Winter

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Lockdown Parenting

Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today,

The Long-Awaited Answer

* Gets out of a 10 year old coma * Me: Where am I?

Feline Socialites

Never understand when someone says, "cats are snobby."

The Worry Wart

Worrying works!

The Bouncy Inventor

I met the inventor of the trampoline.

The Meta-Pub

An English man, an Irish man, and a Scots man walk into a pub. They head to the bar

The New York Salmon

What did the New York Salmon say to the driver?

Dairy Logic

Why did the milking stool only have three legs?