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Spicy Heartbreak
Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you...
The Man Upstairs
Me: "If only the man upstairs could have blessed you with brains as well as beauty." Wife: "Why the hell is there a man upstairs?"
Brow-Raising Advice
Girls, if you're gonna shave your eyebrows off just to draw them on again, at least make them interesting.
The Pocket Paradox
I'm never more irritated by fashion than when I'm trying to stuff something in a pocket.