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4,000 postsExactly As Advertised
I had an odd-job man in to help me do some work around the house. I gave him a list of 10 things to do.
The Software Update Ultimatum
My computer kept asking me to restart to finish installing updates. I ignored it for six months. Finally, I gave in and restarted. When it came back on, it just displayed one message:
Costume Drama, Literally
My girlfriend made me watch a movie with her about how women struggled during their menstrual cycles in the 18th century.
Stretching the Truth
What did the homeless yoga instructor say when he was told to leave his camp site?
Poker
Keep your cards. Lose your frown.
Five-card draw, just for fun. Hold, draw and enjoy the hand.
Play PokerGifts from the Feline Mafia
"How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?"
Operating System Failure
A man walks into an Apple store and lets out a huge fart. Within seconds, everyone in the entire store leaves. Why?
Cowabunga, It's Monday
My office got a shredder, so now I have to buy a turtle costume to fight it on Monday.
Laugh Slots
Hit spin. Start grinning.
Ten spins. Match the reels, build a streak, and beat your best score.
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World's Best Alibi
[Wearing a World's Best Dad shirt] Wife: Why's there blood on your shirt? Me: It's not my blood.
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