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Mermaid Fashion

Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells?

Brow-Raising Advice

Girls, if you're gonna shave your eyebrows off just to draw them on again, at least make them interesting.

Dining Etiquette

What do you take before every meal?

The Literal Recipe

When life hands you 2 Lemons 1 cup sugar 2 tbsp flour 3 tbsp cornstarch 1 cup water 2 tbsp butter 4 eggs 1 pie crust

The Weather App's Honest Review

I asked my weather app how accurate it was. It said, 'We're right about 50% of the time.' I said, 'That's terrible!' It said, 'Yeah, but that's still better than your uncle who checks the sky and says, '

The Financial Chord

For two years in high school, I took guitar lessons.

A Rainy Day Safari

What's big and grey and protects you from the rain?

Planned Obsolescence

Let me make an iphone joke.

Zombie Survival Strategy

I'd do well in a zombie apocalypse because I'm near sighted, get cramps if I don't get enough potassium

Chuck Norris Physics

When Chuck Norris does a pushup,

Quacking Dead

A zombie apocalypse would be so much funnier

Parental Perspective

As my friend confessed, 'My teenage daughter never even talks to me,'

A Cross to Bear

I used to think that "Lacrosse"

Midnight Preparedness

I sleep with a knife under my bed in case I can't open my midnight snacks.

Grounded Flight

My paper aeroplane won't fly.

Swift Regret

Just ate the last slice of pizza and I wish there was more.

Coding Blues

Why was the programmer lonely?

The Fashionista Girlfriend

What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt 2. Wow, a second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again.

The Psychic With A Weight Problem

What do you call an obese psychic?

15 Times Absolute Logic Was So Stupid It Actually Sort Of Made Sense

We have all been there. You are sitting in a meeting or scrolling through social media when someone drops a take so hot, so incredibly bold, that your ...

Kayaking Where You Least Expect It

I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today...