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The Ultimate Exaggeration

LPT:

The Emotional Thief

Have you heard about the sensitive burglar?

Labeling Issues

I always get told off when introducing my wife...

A Friendly PC

My computer said hello to me

Mime Crime

I played a blank CD full blast on repeat all night last night.

The Overachieving Vacuum

My vacuum cleaner is so good

A Sketchy Situation

Cartoonist found dead in home.

6yo Son

Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower?

Winter Anatomy

What's the difference between a Snowman and a Snowwoman?

The Sinking iPod

I named my iPod "The Titanic."

Budgeting Like a Pro

Spent the day removing $550,000,000 worth of stuff from my Amazon shopping cart.

The Lincoln Navigator

Matthew McMonaughey's Lincoln doesn't make left turns...

Local Weather Anchor Finally Snaps and Admits the Air Is Just One Giant Dog Lick of Sadness

The mercury is currently climbing so high that the local weather anchors have abandoned their professional composure and are now just weeping openly i ...

Coffee Shop Trust

Woman next to me at coffee shop just asked a guy who's farther away to watch her computer for a sec.

Oddly Even

Girl 1: 1....3....5....7....9.... Girl 2: What the hell? Why are you skipping numbers?

Dim Sum Lighting

What do you do if the lights in a Chinese food restaurant are too bright?

Primate Tactics

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

International Arms Dealer

Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: You're an artificial limb salesman?

Fashionably Hungry

Never go shopping on an empty stomach,

The Marital Compromise

Make love not war...