Chuckles

Recycling Blues

Working at the aluminum recycling plant is the saddest job I've ever had...

Daddy, are vampires real?

"No, sweetie. Go back to bed." *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie*

Covering All the Bases

I'd like to say that ALL quilts are great...

The Towel Theory of Eternal Bachelorhood

My buddy used to say, "Why should I wash my towels? After I shower, I'm the cleanest thing in the room."

They Never Saw It Coming

The bartender says, "This bar is for fortune tellers only."

The Skipper

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?

It's taken me ages...

...but I've finally finished reading Stephen Hawking's book.

Mummy! Mummy!

Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll?

The Digital Werewolf

What's hairy dangerous and only surfs the Net when there's a full moon?

The Bassist's Dilemma

How do you know when there is a bassist at your door?

Fashionable Accommodations

Tight pants are like a cheap hotel...

Brow-raising Inventory

Man goes into the store and he's quite startled by what he sees. The clerk has these great bushy eyebrows. Horrified, the man stutters,

Going Full Circle on Temperature

I don't like Fahrenheit. I don't like Celsius. I don't like Kelvin.

The Thirst for Humor

Dark comedy is...

The Tactile Legend

Chuck Norris

Speaking Fluent Emoji

Since my girlfriend discovered the eyeroll and tongue-sticking-out emojis...

Musical Misunderstandings

My mother always told me never to listen to Rumours.

The Dragon Ball Repair

How many Dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Bilbo wakes up suddenly to Don't Stop Believing.