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A Legal Loophole
I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. I shot him and the judge gave me 30 years.
Graveyard Rules
Did you know that your local graveyard doesn't allow anyone who lives where you are to be buried there?
Stevie's Perspective
If I were Stevie Wonder I would say 'I'll believe it when I see it' in response to pretty much anything
The Corporate Stopwatch
Success is measured by how long it takes your boss to notice you're not at your desk.
Corporate Yolo
*boss trying to relate to younger employees* "Excited for the weekend? I know I'll be *looks down at Wikipedia print-out* Yoloing for sure!"
