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Supporting Roles
Watching TV today I saw a struggling actress I used to know had landed a job in a bra commercial.
My grandfather knew the exact time of the exact day of the exact year that he would die.
Wow, what an evolved soul! How did it come to him?
The Giraffe's Big Complaint
I asked a giraffe if he ever gets tired of being so tall. He said, 'Honestly, the height doesn't bother me at all.'
HR Investigation
HR: Know why we called you down? Me: Hmm...a raise? HR: You know we monitor internet usage right?
Parental Math
New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many. New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have?
X-Ray Xylophone
me: remember how i was talking about getting a xylophone [doctor holds up my x-ray] where the hell are your ribs?
