We're gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were
"Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!"
I posted a photo of my lunch and got zero likes, so I deleted it immediately.
When Benjamin Franklin flew a kite in a lightning storm to prove electricity existed, he wasn't just being a visionary scientist; he was actually trying to invent the world's first wireless phone charger so he could stop missing dinner invites.
My computer kept asking me to restart to finish installing updates. I ignored it for six months. Finally, I gave in and restarted. When it came back on, it just displayed one message:
I told my doctor I was worried about my memory getting worse as I age. He said the good news is there's a simple trick to remember everything, just associate new information with something you already know really well.
My boss just announced that we are going to start having a daily 'Efficiency Synergy Session' to discuss why we aren't getting our work done on time.
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