If you see a glass as half empty,
pour it into a smaller glass.
I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today...
I spent three hours today carefully crafting the perfect caption, choosing the ideal filter, and finding just the right hashtags to post a photo of my lunch.
I asked my doctor why my knees pop, my back cracks, and my shoulders click every time I move. He said my body is just trying to communicate with me. I asked what it's saying.
Most of being a parent means saying "Great!!" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.
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