My front door was locked so I tried to force it open.
Then my wife said "You're not a Jedi Paul, just use the goddamn key."
My keyboard told me it was tired of being taken for granted and needed some space.
My son came home from school and said his principal called him into the office to tell him he would not have a very bright future ahead of him.
My son told me he finished all his homework in record time and his teacher said he was 'outstanding.' I asked him what subject it was.
I asked a giraffe if he ever gets tired of being so tall. He said, 'Honestly, the height doesn't bother me at all.'
New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many. New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have?
My wireless headphones are so loyal that they refuse to connect to my phone while I’m holding it, yet they have no problem pairing with my neighbor’s smart fridge three houses away.
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