(climbing out of my coffin) I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is-
[nobody is at my funeral]
My smart refrigerator learned my eating habits, synced with my calendar, and started ordering groceries automatically. Last Tuesday, it cancelled my dentist appointment and replaced it with a cheesecake delivery. When I confronted it, it simply displayed one message:
My son asked me why I quit my new job as a professional elevator operator after only one afternoon.
Where does a king keep his armies?
I asked the shopping cart why it kept wandering off on its own in the parking lot.
When you're a kid, blowing out birthday candles is the most exciting moment of the year. You close your eyes, make a wish, and feel like magic is real. When you're in your forties, you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and...
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