Local Man Applies for 'Manger' Position, Disappointed by Lack of Hay

A LaughParty comic take.

We have all been there. You’re staring at a blinking cursor, your thumb is hovering over the 'send' button, and your brain is convinced that you are a literary titan on par with Hemingway. You hit submit, only to realize three seconds later that you didn’t tell the hiring manager you were "proficient in Excel," but rather that you were "proficient in exhale." Which, to be fair, is a vital life skill, but rarely one that earns you a dental plan.

Last week, local job seeker Gary Henderson learned this the hard way when he applied for a high-level executive role. Gary is a man of many talents, but unfortunately, vowel placement is not one of them. In a bold move that surely confused the HR department, Gary’s resume proudly stated that he had spent the last five years as a "Regional Manger."

Instead of an interview, Gary received a very polite email asking if he required a specific type of wood for his frame or if he preferred to be filled with organic or synthetic straw. The recruiter also inquired if his previous experience involved housing three wise men or if he was strictly a livestock-only facility. Gary, thinking this was a weird new corporate personality test, replied that he was "very sturdy and could hold a lot of weight if properly supported."

The tragedy didn't end at the job title. In the 'Skills' section, Gary claimed to be an expert in "pubic speaking." We can only assume the office holiday parties at his last firm were either incredibly awkward or legally questionable. He also noted that he was a "detail-orientated individual with a keen eye for misteaks." We see what you did there, Gary. Or rather, we see what you didn't do there.

Proofreading is the only thing standing between you and a career as a professional cautionary tale. When you tell a recruiter you are a "self-starter who works well under pressure," make sure you don't accidentally type that you are a "self-starter who works well under dresser." Unless you are applying for a job as a dust bunny, that is a difficult reputation to live down.

As for Gary, he didn't get the corporate gig, but he has been offered a seasonal position at a local Nativity scene. He’s reportedly very happy, though he’s still trying to figure out how to list "Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh" as taxable income on his next application.

Inspired by Received on a resume. This is why proofreading is a vital skill..