The police came to my door to tell me my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
The fuck they are, I said. My dogs don't even have bikes.
The office clock kept staying late, missing lunch, and skipping breaks. HR finally called it in for a meeting and asked why it was so stressed. The clock sighed and said it was completely overwhelmed.
My keyboard told me it was tired of being taken for granted and needed some space.
My son came home from school and said his principal called him into the office to tell him he would not have a very bright future ahead of him.
My son told me he finished all his homework in record time and his teacher said he was 'outstanding.' I asked him what subject it was.
I asked a giraffe if he ever gets tired of being so tall. He said, 'Honestly, the height doesn't bother me at all.'
New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many. New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have?
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