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The Eloquent Ursine

Did you guys hear about the talking polar bear?

James Bond walks into a bar

James Bond walks into a bar and sits next to a chicken. Chicken: What's your name? Bond: My name's Bond. James Bond.

Peer Pressure

Why did the boat dock with all of the other boats?

The Blink of an Eye

Your vehicle has this magical lever

The Color-Coded Compliments

GF comes home after spray tanning. I say: Hey, orange you looking good! She says: Thanks. I say: Anytime, pumpkin! She says: You're sweet.

The 007 Brew

What beer does Sean Connery drink?

Stuntmen

How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Sound Ambition

One day I'll cure deafness...

The Barber's Logic

"Hey dad! Did you get a haircut?"

The Galactic Golfer

A Stormtrooper went golfing today.

Shakespearean Sports

I'd hate to play baseball with the witches from Macbeth

A Blind Robbery

Last night, Daredevil beat me up and took my money.

Public Service Announcement

Be alert!

Elemental Affection

Forget hydrogen,

Swedish Weather Reports

By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it's raining in Sweden.

Label Maker Menace

Today my boss will learn that I am nowhere near mature enough

Highlander Nightlife

I was told the Highlander was stopping by a Mexican nightclub.

Fruitful Matrimony

Why don't melons run away to get married?

Second Chance Policy

Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance,

Awkward Greetings

Sorry I got confused

What do you call...

a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?