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Survival Skills

I would most likely die like 45 minutes into a zombie apocalypse,

Eight-Armed Envy

What animal do I respect most? The octopus.

Frozen Ambitions

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Wow. Nobody's ever asked me that. Interviewer: Take a minute to th-

The DIY Expert's Confession

I spent all weekend watching tutorial videos, carefully measuring twice, and selecting the perfect tools before tackling my first home improvement project.

Vain Twig

What do you call a twig that won't stop looking in the mirror?

Stormy Weather

What do you call a cow stuck in a hurricane?

Whale of a Problem

Why was the killer whale fired from his restaurant job?

Fitness Trail Motivation

We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted on the fitness trail,

Calculated Communication

How do deaf mathematicians communicate?

High Stakes Career

What happened to the trapeze artist that did drugs on the job?

Calendar Envy

What the difference between a calender and you?

A Meaty Situation

I've decided to become a raw carnivore...

The Gearhead's Lunch

What is Carroll Shelby's favorite food?

Inflatable Hazards

Inflatable mattresses are great

The Breakfast Paradox

'No you can't have cake! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Here, eat this fried flour with butter and maple syrup.'

The Gaming Mobster

Which mafia boss came with all the dlc?

The Fitness Expert

What do you call a body builder?

Galactic Pastimes

What is the best way to pass the time on Tatooine?

The Winwood Wood

How much wood would Steve Winwood win if Steve Winwood could win wood?

The Next R&B Royalty

Who's gonna be the next queen of R&B?

The Engaged Bee

What do you call a bee that gets engaged?