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Sharknado Fears

We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows.

How do you get into a Native American restaurant?

You make a reservation

A Brick-Built Elf

What do you call an elf made of lego?

A Soothing Funeral

The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.

Weasel Words

What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

Financial Botany

They say money doesn't grow on trees.

Reptilian Photography

What do you get when you cross a crocodile with a cartridge?

Commuter's Cramp

I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors.

The Literal Bar

A guy walks into a bar...

The Wurst Life

There was a depressed sausage...

A Heavy Snack

I weighed myself today,

The Feline Economy

In the future when cats rule the world, the currency will be Cuteness

Dishwashing Design Flaws

Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?

Linguistic Murder

Did you "ask" me or "axe" me?

Can I tell you a joke?

Your bum broke! hahaha!

A Healthy Celebration

How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

Nudist Colony Investigation

Someone broke a hole in the nudist colony's fence.

Darkness Forgets

me: hello darkness my old friend

Humility Forecast

Teacher: We're going to need you to work with your daughter on humility.

The Croc Critique

A pair of crocs sitting on a riverbank ask each other why people hate them.

Ant-icipated Punchline

What do ants drink?