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Specific Ambitions

Growing up, I always wanted to be someone.

An Unlikely Alliance

An Eel asked an Eagle: do you know why we can't team up?

The Snickers Distraction

Had to pause Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to go buy a king sized Snickers.

The Engineer's Commute

Why did the engineer drive the backwards?

Slinky Personalities

Some people are like Slinkies...

Space Exploration Mishaps

Curiosity killed the cat...

A Hungry Momma

Your momma's so fat...

A Colorful Conversation

How to use green, yellow, and pink in a sentence?

Hydrant Factory Blues

A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained:

Early Shift

What time does a mechanic wake up?

CrossFit Confusion

My friend Stephen misheard me when I invited him to this CrossFit gym.

The Rickroll Collection

Rick Astley asked to borrow my Pixar collection.

Lawn Care Tragedy

I read in the news today that a man in Los Angeles was killed when he got caught up in a turf war.

The Delivery Room Dilemma

As my wife gave birth all the doctors yelled, "Push!"

Gorilla Rejection

ME: *falls into gorilla enclosure*

Sticky Situation

Why did the bubblegum cross the road?

Safety First

I'm so pissed right now I'm going to open a can of... what the hell,

Disposal Dilemma

My garbage disposal can't even handle this banana

A Bitter Commute

The definition of mixed emotions...

Toddler Troubles

It's amazing the little things you learn about your kids as they grow everyday.