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Ant-icipated Punchline

What do ants drink?

The Struggle of Literacy

Just tried to read an article that wasn't a list.

Ent Desires

What does an Ent want?

The Pointless Crossing

Why did the existential nihilist cross the road?

The Fruit Stand

A builder came up to me. He said, "Do you know how to make a fruit stand?"

The Truant's Trap

Grandpa looks at his grandson and says, "Go hide! Your teacher is here because you skipped school today."

Quoting the Quotes

Please make sure

The Parent Performance

Most of being a parent means saying "Great!!" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.

The Dyslexic Agnostic

Ever heard the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

Age Appropriate

4yo: Raise your hand if you are young. Me: *raises hand. 4yo: No, daddy, not you.

The Burrito Infinite Loop

If you eat your burrito over a tortilla,

Capital Gains

What's the best way to capitalize on an opportunity?

A Grizzly Request

"Bear with me"

The Average Comfort

Heard about the statistician who liked to kick back with his feet in the oven and his head on a bucket of ice?

Swipe Right

I used to have a phone with a really good user interface...

Tech Attraction

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Musical Haunting

The ghost of Gloria Gaynor appeared in front of my bed.

The Memory Conference

I've just been refused entry to the National Alzheimer's conference.

Bunny Brew

Why do rabbits love beer?

The Aspiring Aviator

My car starts to hydroplane. I let go & whisper, "Do it. Become the plane you've always dreamed of. I love you."

Pork Problems

Why do pigs have flat snouts?