Geocentrism

Local Driver Convinced He Is the Spinning Center of the Cosmos, Also Late for Work

Area man Dale Pemberton has reportedly achieved a new level of confidence behind the wheel: he is now certain that he is not driving anywhere. According to Dale, the car stays perfectly still while the planet is hauled underneath him like a very large, very scenic treadmill. "I press the gas, and the world scoots by," Dale explained from the driver's seat…