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James Bond walks into a bar
James Bond walks into a bar and sits next to a chicken. Chicken: What's your name? Bond: My name's Bond. James Bond.
The Social Media Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things Facebook changes, the courage to change the settings I can,
The Afterlife Forecast
It'll be a cold day in hell. Cloudy in purgatory, with a slight chance of rain. And clear skies up in heaven.
The Color-Coded Compliments
GF comes home after spray tanning. I say: Hey, orange you looking good! She says: Thanks. I say: Anytime, pumpkin! She says: You're sweet.
