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The Hogwarts Relationship

I call my girlfriend Dumbledore.

Calendar Confusion

Can February March?

Foggy Photography

Tried to take a photograph of some fog.

Believing in the Impossible

I still believe in love.

You're a unit of power Joe.

"I'm a Watt?"

Down Under Intelligence

What's the secret service of Australia called?

The Sumatta Situation

Dr: it looks like you've contracted sumatta. Me: what is that? Dr: what is what? Me: sumatta

Locomotive Weight Gain

What type of train gets fat?

Cephalopod Comedy

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

The Skeleton Bar

Why did the skeleton not go to the party?

The Mallard's Tab

A duck walks into a restaurant. After eating a whole meal, he says to the waiter

Royal Larceny

What do you get when you cross a sheep stealer with royalty?

Parental Honesty

Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early?

Anesthetic Humor

I asked the anaesthetist if I could administer the needle myself before my operation.

Timeless Humor

The best thing about adolescent humor...

The Hipster Lightbulb

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Condiment Privacy

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Australian Hygiene

How does an Australian clean his bum?

Garage Sale Surprise

Cleaning out the garage, I found some things I didn't even realize I had.

The Smart Fridge

I bought a smart fridge and now it judges my eating habits.

The Camel Conundrum

What do you call a three-humped camel?