Man With Way Too Much Free Time Rewrites Toto’s Africa to Be Geographically Accurate

There are two types of people in this world: those who think "Africa" by Toto is the greatest achievement in the history of human composition, and liars. We’ve all been there—3:00 AM at a karaoke bar, clutching a lukewarm cider, screaming about the Serengeti like we actually know where it is on a map. But one brave internet soul has decided that the original lyrics just weren't "geographically accurate" enough.

Enter our hero, a man with far too much free time and a high-speed internet connection, who decided to replace every single lyric of the soft-rock anthem with the names of all 54 countries in Africa. Because nothing says "musical masterpiece" like trying to cram "Democratic Republic of the Congo" into a rhythm originally designed for the word "wild."

The original song is famously vague. David Paich and Jeff Porcaro wrote it despite having never stepped foot on the continent, resulting in lyrics about "the moonlit wings of the noble storks" and "bless the rains." It’s basically a musical version of a "Live, Laugh, Love" sign bought at a Pier 1 Imports. But this new remix? It’s a rhythmic nightmare that doubles as a middle school Social Studies pop quiz.

Watching the video is a masterclass in linguistic gymnastics. You haven't truly lived until you've heard a man try to harmonize "Mauritania" over a synthesizer solo. The chorus, which usually provides that soaring, cathartic release of "It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you," has been replaced with a frantic roll call of sovereign states. It sounds less like a love song and more like a United Nations general assembly meeting held inside a blender.

I tried to sing along, I really did. By the time I hit "Equatorial Guinea," I had bitten my tongue so hard I tasted copper. By the time we reached the bridge, I was hyperventilating. There is a specific kind of madness required to look at a five-syllable country name and think, "Yeah, I can make that rhyme with 'Kilimanjaro.'"

Is it art? Arguably. Is it a cry for help? Almost certainly. But in an era where most people couldn't point to Djibouti if you gave them a magnifying glass and a bribe, this man is doing the Lord’s work. He’s teaching us geography through the medium of 80s yacht rock. Sure, the meter is broken, the rhymes are non-existent, and the lead singer looks like he’s having a mild stroke trying to fit "Central African Republic" into a four-beat measure, but it’s the most education I’ve had in years.

So, the next time you’re at a party and someone puts on the original, feel free to ruin everyone’s night by screaming "ERITREA! GABON! NAMIBIA!" at the top of your lungs. You won't be invited back, but you'll know the truth: Toto was just the beginning. The map is the real melody.