A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, my farts sound like a motorbike."
Doctor says "You have an abscess." Man says "How do you know?" Doctor says "Because abscess makes the fart go Honda."
I asked the shopping cart why it kept wandering off on its own in the parking lot.
When you're a kid, blowing out birthday candles is the most exciting moment of the year. You close your eyes, make a wish, and feel like magic is real. When you're in your forties, you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and...
My laptop told me it was really looking forward to autumn this year. I asked why, and it said it had been waiting all year for the perfect opportunity.
When you're young, your body just does things automatically, catch a falling object, jump over a puddle, sprint for the bus. It's incredible. Then somewhere around your late thirties, your body starts sending those same signals... but adds a tiny disclaimer at the end.
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