Jokes
All kinds of jokes - one-liners, puns, dad jokes, and more!
198 posts
The Cat Owner's Guide
Do you hate yourself? Do you wish someone would trip you down stairs? Do you enjoy lacerations & and surprise vomit piles?
Scientific Undergarments
What brand of underwear do scientists wear?
The High Stakes Laundry Negotiation
My wife asked why I was standing in the laundry room staring intensely at my favorite sweater for ten minutes without moving.
A Terminal Case of Confusion
I hate traveling. My wife asked me to book a flight that was 'truly unforgettable.' I managed to find a ticket with a twelve-hour layover in a tiny airport that only has one vending machine and a broken rocking chair.
A Bird's Day in Court
Where do you find a murder of crows?
A Split Decision
My friend who lost the entire left side of his body just won a prestigious award for his positive attitude and incredible recovery. At the ceremony, they asked him if he ever felt like giving up during the long physical therapy sessions.
You Spelled What?
What is spelled incorrectly in the dictionary.
A Difference in Definitions
A lawyer and an engineer are arguing at a bar about who has the more honest profession.
A Rare Canine Intellect
I’ve been training my dog to do high-level calculus, but I think he’s struggling with the concept of 'infinity'.
A Relationship with High Standards
My wife asked me to stop acting like a flagpole because it was making our relationship feel too rigid and distant.
The Smart Home Relationship Intervention
My girlfriend and I finally moved into a high-tech 'smart home,' but after our first minor argument, the house clearly took her side. I knew I was in trouble when I asked the kitchen to start the coffee maker and it replied, 'I think you know what you did.'
The Level-Headed Relationship
My husband insisted on installing all the new kitchen cabinets by himself, but after six hours of measuring and drilling, every single unit was visibly tilted at a forty-five-degree angle.
The Stationary Bike Commute
I’ve been training on a stationary bike for three hours every morning to prepare for my new job, but I’m starting to think the HR department lied to me.
Block Fires Half Its Humans After Realizing Robots Don't Need Mental Health Days or Artisanal Coffee
In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has been paying attention to the slow, metallic takeover of our society, Block, the company formerly kn...