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The Body Condition Score: A Guide to the Poster That Thinks Your Dog Is Fat and You Are a Failure
There is no place on earth quite as humbling as a veterinarian’s waiting room. It is a land where the air smells of industrial-strength lavender and ...
Forget Gucci: Why This Local Cat Is Rocking a Kroger Bag for Feline Fashion Week
In the high-stakes, cutthroat world of feline fashion, we’ve seen it all. We’ve seen the "bread-loafing" look, the "I’m-too-good-for-this-kibble ...
Why the "Inbus" Is the Unholy Union of Public Transit and Private Regret Your Living Room Never Asked For
In the grand hierarchy of human inventions, we usually have a clear divide. You have the "In-House" things (toilets, Wi-Fi, the existential dread of a ...
Man With Way Too Much Free Time Rewrites Toto’s Africa to Be Geographically Accurate
There are two types of people in this world: those who think "Africa" by Toto is the greatest achievement in the history of human composition, and lia ...
System Maintenance Required: Your Brain’s Fear Storage Is Full and Cannot Accept New Doomsday Scenarios
I recently received a notification on my internal dashboard that I didn’t even know existed. It wasn’t a reminder to drink water or a nudge to fin ...
8: Daddy can we go to a haunted house tonight?
Me: You spent the night at Grandmas last week. 8: What? Me: Nothing. 8: I'm telling mom.
The Lice Strategy
Telling my daughter's date that "she has lice and it's very contagious the closer you get to her."