Racoon Wanted: Grand Theft Auto & Reckless Driving

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Raccoon Wanted for Grand Theft Auto, Officers Perplexed

[Littletown, MN] – In a bizarre incident straight out of a cartoon, local police were left scratching their heads after a mischievous raccoon apparently commandeered a squad car and took it for a joyride.

The incident occurred in the early morning hours when officers responded to a call about a disturbance in a residential neighborhood. Upon arrival, they left their vehicle running and the doors unlocked – a standard precaution in the case of a potentially dangerous encounter.

Little did they know, a furry opportunist was lurking nearby. Within minutes, the masked bandit had clambered into the cruiser and somehow managed to shift the car into drive. Witnesses reported seeing the patrol car lurch forward erratically before disappearing down the street.

After a frantic search, officers located their vehicle abandoned in a nearby parking lot. The interior was a scene of chaos, with papers strewn about and a half-eaten donut on the passenger seat. The relieved officers suffered only minor damage to their vehicle and a slightly bruised sense of pride.

“I’ve been on the force for 20 years and I’ve never seen anything like it,” commented a bemused Sergeant Waltersonisavich. “Looks like we need new protocols when dealing with wildlife suspects.”

The raccoon remains at large and is facing charges of grand theft auto and reckless driving. Anyone with information on the furry fugitive is urged to contact authorities.

Similar Raccoon Hijinks

This latest raccoon escapade isn’t entirely unprecedented. In 2021, a resourceful raccoon in Maine broke into a liquor store and was discovered passed out surrounded by empty bottles. And in 2023, a raccoon in Wisconsin managed to climb into a vending machine and help itself to a feast of snacks.

Note: While these stories certainly bring a smile, authorities remind the public that raccoons can be wild animals and should be approached with caution.