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Local Inventor Unveils Cannon That Delivers Christmas Trees at 60 MPH
A LaughParty comic take. A LaughParty comic take. Everything below is invented, including the inventor, the town and the very confused reindeer. For generations, getting a Christmas tree home has followed a sacred ritual. You wander a frozen lot for two hours, reject forty perfectly good trees for being "too Charlie Brown" or "too aggressive," then strap…
Local Man Applies for 'Manger' Position, Disappointed by Lack of Hay
A LaughParty comic take. We have all been there. You’re staring at a blinking cursor, your thumb is hovering over the 'send' button, and your brain is convinced that you are a literary titan on par with Hemingway. You hit submit, only to realize three seconds later that you didn’t tell the hiring manager you were "proficient in Excel," but rather that you…
What Happens in Veda: Why the Dalai Lama Just Hit the Jackpot in Las Vegas
We all know the classic setup. The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and asks the guy behind the counter to make him one with everything. It is a spiritual classic, right up there with the one about the monk who refuses to leave his cave because he has already reached the final level of Tetris. But recently, the rumor mill has been churning with a questi…
My Wife Can’t Watch Gladiator Without Fact Checking The Sandals
Marriage is a beautiful journey of compromise, growth, and, apparently, high-definition forensic investigation. For years, I assumed that my wife watched movies for the plot, the cinematography, or perhaps the gratuitous shots of Russell Crowe looking broodingly into the middle distance. It turns out I was wrong. My wife watches movies like a private inve…
10 Blunt Medical Truths From the Doctor Who Clearly Failed Bedside Manner School
We have all been there. You are sitting in a sterile medical waiting room, flipping through a copy of Highlights Magazine from 1994, trying to figure out where the hidden toothbrush is in the cartoon picture while your life hangs in the balance. When the doctor finally emerges, you do not want medical jargon. You do not want a lecture on cholesterol. You…
10 Things to Do in a Hospital Waiting Room That Are Less Depressing Than Thinking About Death
We have all been there. You are sitting in a sterile hospital waiting room, the smell of industrial grade floor wax is assaulting your nostrils, and you are waiting for a medical professional to give you the news. Your heart is pounding, your palms are sweaty, and you are desperately hoping for a sign that everything is going to be okay. Usually, this is…
Love at First Sight: How to Find the One in a Bar That Smells Like Regret and Cheap Gin
In the modern dating landscape, finding someone who shares your specific brand of weirdness is like finding a functional printer in a public library. It is nearly impossible, yet we keep trying. Take Dave and Brenda, for instance. They met at a dimly lit bar where the floor was sticky enough to steal your shoes, and the air smelled faintly of regret and c…
Local Man Discovers Being 6 Foot 5 Does Not Make His Racism Any Shorter or Less Stupid
In the grand, illustrious history of bad ideas, there is a special, velvet-lined trophy room for people who believe that being tall is a substitute for having a functional personality. Last week, outside a local pub that smells faintly of spilled cider and broken dreams, a particularly vertically gifted gentleman decided to test the theory that a racist t…
Impostor Word
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10 Signs Your Oldie But Goodie Is Actually Just Hazardous Waste
We have all heard the phrase oldie but goodie used to describe everything from a crusty cassette tape of 1980s power ballads to that one specific pair of sweatpants you refuse to throw away despite the fact that they are now held together entirely by hope and static electricity. However, there is a fine line between a timeless classic and something that b…
Move Over Espresso: Why Stubbing Your Toe Is the New Ultimate Morning Caffeine Hack
Forget the roasted beans, the artisanal froth, and the overpriced cardboard sleeves that somehow always burn your thumb. According to the latest findings in the world of frantic productivity, coffee is officially dead. The new king of the morning routine is much cheaper, significantly faster, and requires absolutely zero sugar: it is pure, unadulterated p…
Local Bride Devastated to Discover Husband is a Monotesticular Mystery
Marriage is a journey of discovery. Usually, that discovery involves finding out your spouse leaves wet towels on the bed like a soggy decorative pillow or that they have a family secret involving a haunted doll collection. However, for one local bride, the post-wedding revelation was a bit more structural in nature. After the cake was cut and the champag…
Local Weather Anchor Finally Snaps and Admits the Air Is Just One Giant Dog Lick of Sadness
The mercury is currently climbing so high that the local weather anchors have abandoned their professional composure and are now just weeping openly into their green screens. We have officially reached that stage of summer where the air feels less like a refreshing breeze and more like being licked by a giant, feverish golden retriever. While most of us a…
How to Become an Overnight Success in Just Fifteen Years of Failure
If you have ever spent more than five minutes scrolling through the internet, you have likely encountered the term "overnight success." Usually, this refers to a teenager who accidentally went viral for eating a spoonful of cinnamon or a cat that looks vaguely like a historical dictator. However, in the world of stand up comedy, an overnight success actua…
10 Men Whose Only Safety Regulation Is The Phrase Because Of Freedom Baby
There is a specific brand of logic that only exists in the glorious, chaotic vacuum of absolute liberty. It is the kind of reasoning that bypasses common sense, safety regulations, and the laws of physics entirely. When you ask a man why he is currently using a gasoline powered leaf blower to dry his damp socks in the middle of a crowded laundromat, he do…
Hangman
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Your Knees Are Now Just Rice Krispies: 10 Harsh Realities of Aging According to Eddie Griffin
There comes a moment in every person life when you realize that your body is no longer a temple, but rather a fixer-upper with a questionable foundation and a roof that leaks every time it rains. Comedian Eddie Griffin recently reminded us that aging is not a graceful slide into wisdom; it is a violent tumble down a flight of stairs while holding a bowl o…
5 People You’ll Definitely Witness Recording Your Choking Instead of Helping During a Fancy Dinner Party
We have all been there. You are at a fancy dinner party, trying to look sophisticated while eating a piece of overcooked steak, when suddenly, the person across from you starts making a face like they just remembered they left the stove on at home. Their eyes bulge, their face turns a lovely shade of eggplant, and they start doing the silent jazz hands of…
Norway Officially Explains Why Every App You Own Now Actively Hates You
The Norwegian Consumer Council has officially released a video tackling the internet phenomenon known as enshittification, and if you thought that was just a word your nephew used when he lost at Fortnite, think again. It is a real, high level economic term used by people with fancy degrees to describe why every app on your phone currently feels like it w…
15 Times Absolute Logic Was So Stupid It Actually Sort Of Made Sense
We have all been there. You are sitting in a meeting or scrolling through social media when someone drops a take so hot, so incredibly bold, that your brain momentarily reboots like a Windows 95 computer trying to run Crysis. It is called Absolute Logic. It is that special brand of reasoning that is technically correct in the most useless way possible, or…
Your New Spiritual Tattoo Actually Means Soup of the Day
We have all been there. You are wandering through a thrift store or a trendy boutique in a neighborhood where the rent is higher than the oxygen levels, and you spot it: the Artifact. Maybe it is a t-shirt with elegant calligraphy in a language you do not speak, or perhaps it is a tattoo of a symbol that looks like a warrior's crest. You tell yourself tha…
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