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LAPD Officer Proves Disability Leave Is No Obstacle to Jumping Out of a Plane
We have all been there. You wake up with a "crick" in your neck so severe that the mere thought of sitting at a desk feels like a human rights violati...
New Study Confirms Your Great-Great-Grandmother Had a Major Thing for Neanderthals
It turns out that your family tree might be a little more "heavy browed" than you previously suspected. A new scientific study suggests that when it c...
Block Fires Half Its Humans After Realizing Robots Don't Need Mental Health Days or Artisanal Coffee
In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has been paying attention to the slow, metallic takeover of our society, Block, the company formerly kn...
The Sourdough Starter Intervention
My wife asked why I was whispering while making dinner, and I told her the yeast was resting and I didn't want to wake it up. She rolled her eyes and said I was taking the 'artisanal bread' hobby too far.
East India Company Fails for Second Time in 400 Years Proving Not Even Global Tyranny Can Survive the Economy
It takes a special kind of talent to fail at the same job twice, especially when those failures are separated by a cool 167 years. The East India Comp...
Washington State Licensing Hotline Accidentally Invented a New Language Instead of Using Spanish
Welcome to Washington state, where the coffee is strong, the rain is persistent, and the Department of Licensing has apparently decided that "Spanish"...
Century Egg Challenge: How to Eat Something That Looks Like a Dinosaur’s Mistake and Smells Like a Janitor’s Closet
In the world of culinary "dares," there is a hierarchy of terror. You have your ghost peppers, your fermented shark, and then you have the heavyweight...
Chris Hansen Tells Roblox Creditors to Have a Seat in the Metaverse
Lock up your blocky avatars and hide your digital pizza, because Chris Hansen is officially entering the Metaverse. In a crossover event that absolute...
7 Signs You’ve Officially Become the Human Version of a Terms and Conditions Page
Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize you are essentially a ghost in your own home? Not the spooky, haunting-the-attic kind of ghos...
The Spreadsheet Escape Artist
Why did the overworked accountant suddenly decide to hide inside his own Excel document?
The Low Pressure Promotion
The local meteorologist was thrilled to get a massive promotion, but his friends were confused because he never actually got the forecast right. When they asked how he landed a senior leadership role despite his terrible track record, he just smiled.
